Off Scot-free?

Written By: LJ


(A DP Philosophy question posted on our WL Group: Was there ever a time in your life that you got away with something you wish you hadn’t? Tell us what it was and try to explain your feelings.)

Hi! My name is Dustin Nathan Roberts, but everyone just calls me Dusty. And yes! I got away with something and it’s often returned to haunt me.

It happened about five years ago, shortly after Den and I had decided to incorporate discipline into our relationship. I have to say had I realized during the discussion process how much power was in Den’s right arm; I might have been tempted to turn down his offer to help me get my shit together. But in all honesty, I must admit I do need the structure that the love of my life provides me with.

Anyway, the event I’m referring to took place during one of my university classes. My fellow students and I were being subjected to the questionable teaching skills of a substitute instructor one particular Friday afternoon. We were finding it hard to concentrate and had depleted all our limited amount of tolerance. None of us ever considered the pressure this replacement TA might be under or her possible feelings of inadequacy. It never occurred to any of us how intimidating she may have found it to stand in front of such a large group of young men and women who took no trouble to hide their boredom. Don’t get me wrong! The lady really knew her stuff. She just wasn’t presenting it well enough to get it across to her students.

So here we were; a dozen or more shit-disturbers sitting in the back row heckling this poor soul who we ended up reducing to tears. Ms. Black abruptly ended the class by walking out prematurely and sad to say, it was the last time any of us ever saw her. She never reported the incident to the Dean. Wow, I couldn’t believe we had actually gotten away unscathed.

My immediate feeling was one of overwhelming relief. I had been spanked for the first time by Den just a couple of weeks before for attending a forbidden students’ protest and certainly didn’t want to repeat the experience. I did mention his powerful right arm, didn’t I? So you know where I’m coming from! For a time I managed to convince myself of my innocence. After all, I hadn’t actually made any of those uncalled for comments and she probably hadn’t even heard my muted chuckling which in itself was proof of the fun I was having at her expense.

There has been the odd time over the years when some little thing out of nowhere would remind me of that day and I’d feel the shame and remorse of my appalling behaviour. As I gained a better understanding of the special relationship Den and I shared, it caused these feelings to intensify each time they surfaced, which thank God were very seldom. ‘Cause guilt sucks, man! I’ve never been able to handle it well. I usually act out until Den either gets me to talk about what’s troubling me or figures it out for himself. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I somehow succeeded in keeping this matter to myself. Don’t ask me how I did it, because I have no idea.

The above question triggered my memory once again, causing all those rotten feelings to resurface. On the bright side, and I did find one, it’s made me rethink the whole thing and I’ve decide to follow some advice given to me awhile back by my younger partner, Skyy. So as hard as it’s going be, I’m about to ‘fess up and face the consequences’. I really want to get it behind me, no pun intended, once and for all. I’ll get back to you later and fill you in on the results. Wish me luck!

**********

Sorry it’s taken me a couple of days to get back to you.

Well, I did it! Yep, I told Den all about it. Hmmm, let’s see if I can give you a fairly accurate account of what took place.

Dennis sat there on the leather sofa in his study, looking at me for a few moments after I’d mumbled through the last of my confession. I timidly returned his quiet contemplation and any doubts I’d had about telling, all vanished. There was no condemnation, no disappointment; there was only loving concern.

“Why did you wait so long to talk to me, love?” His voice was soft and gentle, totally devoid of censure.

I summoned up my courage and shared with Dennis my feelings of shame and embarrassment. I told him how at first it was just a load off my mind that a big deal hadn’t been made over what the bunch of us had done. And that as time passed, I had thought about the incident less often and it eventually became too late to bring it up. Even though I was stumbling over my words and having a hard time explaining myself, I knew he would understand everything I was trying to say. He knows me so well and is really good at reading between the lines. Like Skyy says, Dennis is the figure-outer in our family and I sometimes think when God was giving out virtues, Den stood in line twice and got an extra portion of patience.

“And you’ve decided to tell me now, because…..?”

I might have know he’d be wondering about that, so I told him about the Yahoo group we are all a part of and the philosophical question. Bet you probably guessed his reaction! He rested his head on the back of the couch, turned his face up to the ceiling, closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. But he was kinda smiling at the same time.

“You know you could have saved yourself a lot of grief, Grease-monkey, had you come to me sooner. Maybe five years ago would have been a good time. I wasn’t aware of what had taken place in your class that afternoon, but I do have some information you and your fellow classmates would know nothing about. True, Evelyn Black was upset when she left the room, but it was because of her own sense of failure. She had picked up on the restlessness of the students and realized she had allowed her pre-occupation with a personal matter to interfere with her presentation. However, none of that excuses unacceptable behaviour on your part or anyone else’s. Does it?”

I hesitantly asked what my punishment was going to be. I couldn’t believe his answer. I thought I must have heard it wrong.

“I have no intentions of punishing you for a long past indiscretion, Dusty. In all likelihood, I would have done nothing more at the time than insist you apologize in person to the TA you offended and write lines to the effect of showing respect to those providing instruction for your benefit. Besides, you have undoubtedly chastened yourself many times over it. Your biggest error in judgement, sweetheart, was in not talking to me when it happened. But we’ve both learned a lot since then, haven’t we?”

He sure had that right! You know, the beating myself up part. I wanted to be sure it was all taken care of and I needed some kind of closure. Den suggested, and I use the word loosely, I write the lady an apology and mention everything we’ve talked about, including how I felt then and my feelings now. As we no longer have a way of contacting Ms. Black, Den said I’m to keep the letter in my project binder. So that’s exactly what I did.

Hope I’ve answered the question to everyone’s satisfaction. I’m glad I found it and had a chance to tell my story. I gotta go now; Skyy came into the study a few moments ago to see if I would be getting off the computer anytime soon. My fellow-Brat has recently showered and is wearing one of my T-shirts, which as usual is stuck to his still-damp body. He has a seductive smile on that beautiful face of his and his eyes are sending out an invitation. Hey, he’s just run out and is heading up to our room. Man, I am so out of here!

The End.