Electromagnetic Mayhem

Written By: LJ

(A DP Philosophy Question post on our WL Group: What did you put in the microwave that got you in trouble?)


“WOW! I love this question! And talk about perfect timing! It’s Dusty here but I’m not going to answer this. I’m getting Skyy to do it. Hang on while I get him.”


“Okay, we’re back and my younger partner is reading the question. Come on, Skyy! After this morning you’ve gotta respond to this!”

“Ya mean tell them about me learning the hard way what’s microwavable and what isn’t?”

“Yeh! Bet they’ll get a kick out of it!”

“Well, last year I found out you’re not supposed to put a light bulb in it. Aaron and me were conducting an experiment. We were told the thing would bounce off the sides and sparkle but it didn’t. It blew up! Yep; into a gazillion little pieces. Den was not happy! At least it didn’t damage the nuke.

Den went over the whole list again. Only food or drinks in or on paper, plastic or glass bowls or plates, etc. can be put in the microwave. Absolutely NO metal! Of course that’s the abbreviated form. I don’t think ya really wanna hear the entire song and dance version.

Then there was a few months ago. One afternoon I got my leather sneakers sopping wet but I needed them that evening. Okay, no metal…should dry good. And they did! Only they shrunk two sizes. Like, who knew?

I had to write out ‘Only edible items on non-metallic dishware is to be heated in the microwave’ three hundred times. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I hadda go buy another pair of shoes. I hate shopping with Den. He pulls out that friggin’ list of his. You’d think God had written it or something the way we hafta stick by it. As in, ‘No, we don’t have time for you to go to the pet store’, ‘No, you don’t need candy’, ‘No, you already have enough whatever (fill it in yourself) at home’. Okay, so you get the point!”

“Come on, Skyy! Hurry up and tell them what you did earlier!”

“Patience, D, I’m getting to it! We have this neat radio-station in town. A couple of the announcers think up all kinds of fun ways for listeners to win money. One of the favs involves cell-phones. They call someone up and pay him or her to do something noisy, like leaving the phone on and putting it in the dryer or the blender so everyone can hear it. And guess what? They picked my name this morning! I’ve never won anything before, not ever!

Bet you already figured out where this is going. Yep, they paid me two hundred bucks to put my cell-phone in the microwave. You should have heard it. It sounded so funny!

Den missed most the radio conversation because he was taking a shower, but managed to catch the last of it. He came into the kitchen laughing. His humour vanished in a heartbeat when he discovered today’s winner. I’m not sure but I think it was the smoke from the microwave that gave me away or it could have been the smell of burning components.

Within minutes, I found myself face first over his lap, getting my bare butt smacked while he explain once again (and not the short version) what could or could not be put in the microwave. I didn’t even get points for taking the time to first put the cell-phone on a paper plate. So like how’s that for mean! Anyway, that’s the end of my sad tale.”

“Ha! The only thing sad about your tail, little buddy, is that it’s all red.”

“Shut up, Dusty!”

The End.

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